This morning I couldn't sleep. It was early and I knew Alec would be up, he's been back on more of a night schedule lately. I thought I'd go down to him and see how Half Life 2 Episode 2 was going. He was already done with it and was reading some wikipedia stuff about it.
I've been feeling like I haven't been able to spend much time with him lately so I asked him how the game was, he answers, "good".
hmmmmm... I'm thinking. So I ask "was it fun?" He says, "yes".
That's all he says. I'm feeling like, here I'm trying to talk and you're not wanting to...grumble, grumble.... I leave him alone a bit.
Later we go upstairs to get him some food and I ask, "so what was fun about it?" He kind of thinks and says, "I don't know, it was just fun. It was more fun than Portal. If that's what you want to know." OK, he's probably getting annoyed with me now. But do I stop? ugh, no.
I reply "well, I just thought maybe you would want to elaborate on the game. Why you liked it, why it was fun. I just felt like we hadn't had much time together lately and wanted to talk with you about what you had been doing."
He doesn't know what to say. Here, his mother is obviously the needy one in this scenario, and he's probably just wanting to go to bed. He kind of shrugs. We exchange a few more comments and he understands, but I'm sure, is annoyed with me.
So I pushed and pushed him and he felt pressure.
Not a good morning for me as a mom. I don't do this as much as I used to, but it still comes out. I think it's residue of the controlling parent I'm hoping to leave behind. I hope he went to bed OK, I apologized and I think he shrugged me off, but I truly wish I wouldn't have pushed. I should have just been happy to listen to what he had to say and see that this morning wasn't going to be much of a bonding time. If I would have been up with him while he was playing it, it would have been a totally different thing, but I wasn't. And instead of just accepting that, I forced my agenda..wanting to be in touch with someone who wasn't wanting it at that time.
Always learning right?
And then I get this Daily OM~ spot on. I think it's very relevant to fostering wonderful parent/child relationships and other relationships as well. I know I need to remember it.
Lessons Of Reflection
When we care about people, we want to save them from pain by offering them the benefit of our experience. Sometimes we feel like we know what is best for them. Sometimes, like when their safety is involved, we need to step in, but those times are rare. More often we find ourselves becoming frustrated when our close friends or family members do not use our relationship insights or follow our dietary advice, and this is where we find our challenge. We may even find ourselves becoming angry when they choose another path. This strength of feeling is usually a sign that our motivations go beyond merely helping another to indicate that there is a lesson there for us.
First, we need to keep in mind that each of us is on our own path and that we all learn differently. When we trust the universe, we know that there is a higher power at work that knows what is best for our loved one. Since we do not want to deny them experiences of deep feeling that are essential steps in the growth of their spirit, we can instead offer them our counsel. After we have given our gift, it is time to release it, along with our expectations of them and their choices, with love.
Once that is done, we can remind ourselves that our relationships are mirrors that allow us to see ourselves more clearly in the reflection. That is why it is easier for us to see solutions to other people’s problems than to see answers for our own. We can also learn from these experiences when we ask ourselves if we ever do the same thing. Maybe we do not share experiences with relationships, but we do with our finances or our food choices. In being willing to look at ourselves and see why we are being irritated by what other people choose to do with their lives, we can be like an oyster and make irritations into pearls. With these pearls of wisdom, we learn to release the desire for control over others and instead enrich their lives as we enrich our own.