And today's daily groove by Scott Noelle was right in sync. Maybe he explains why it does work. Makes sense to me. Although he refers to it as the pleasure principle or creative pleasure--that sounds good too.
There are 2 parts, they're short. :)
Here's Part 1 of The Creative Pleasure Principle:
Imagine you're in a choir, singing a difficult piece, and it's not coming together. But you persist, and eventually the ensemble achieves perfect harmony, emanating a sound that gives you chills from head to toe!
That's a dramatic example of creative pleasure: the feeling of coming into alignment with your heart's desire.
Creative pleasure is a universal principle. It's related to the Law of Attraction, by which similar thoughts and experiences are drawn to each other. As thought and desire come into alignment, pleasure is felt and creation unfolds.
You could say that atoms and molecules "feel pleasure" when they come together to create higher orders of complexity and intelligence. Thus, the Creative Pleasure Principle informs all of nature, from the smallest flea, to the tallest tree, to the human parent and child.Today, notice that you feel better when your thoughts are aligned with your desires — when you believe you can have what you want.
And part 2:
Since the Creative Pleasure Principle informs every level of creation — matter, body, mind, and spirit — the most natural way to create a wonderful life is by simply "following your pleasure."
Being pleasure-oriented empowers you and your child to co-create a mutually satisfying relationship. Children are innately pleasure-oriented, but they can become "dis-oriented" by the anti-pleasure aspects of our culture.
Some parents think that if they were totally pleasure-oriented, they'd abandon their children! This arises from confusion between authentic pleasure and pseudo-pleasure — the shallow pleasure of aligning with the distortions of the dominator culture.
One such distortion is the idea that suffering earns you the "right" to feel good. A parent who believes that may feel "good" about attending to personal desires at the child's expense: "I suffered as a child; now it's MY turn to get what I want!"
Thus pseudo-pleasure perpetuates the win/lose, dominator culture. Only the authentic pleasure of aligning your thoughts and actions with your heart's desires can create a win/win, partnership culture: "My child and I can BOTH find satisfaction... I don't know how, but there must be a way."
Today, as you make parenting choices, wait for the feeling of authentic, creative pleasure before you take action.
I think if we breathe and take the time to get to know our kids, it can happen.
Pause, find that mindfulness and (maybe) groove, you can find a joy and so can your child.
We can forge a partnership with our children and I really think joy is the way.