Tuesday, June 19, 2007

I'm sad because some green caterpillars found my delphiniums and decided that they were a nice meal. The little critters looked like this

Here are the flowers last year. You can see the other ones farther down, they're eaten also. :(

But I did find this and it cheered me up.

A quick and quirky ‘Top 20′ list of the most common rules broken in the English Language.

  1. Verbs has to agree with their subjects.
  2. Prepositions are not words to end sentences with.
  3. And don’t start a sentence with a conjuction.
  4. It is wrong to ever split an infinitive.
  5. Avoid cliches like the plague.
  6. Also, always avoid annoying alliteration.
  7. Be more or less specific.
  8. Parenthetical remarks (however relevant) are (usually) unnecessary.
  9. No sentence fragments.
  10. Contractions aren’t necessary and shouldn’t be used.
  11. One should never generalise.
  12. Don’t use no double negatives.
  13. Eschew ampersands & abbreviations, etc.
  14. Eliminate commas, that are, not necessary.
  15. Never use big words when a diminutive one would suffice.
  16. Kill all exclamation marks!!!!
  17. Use all words correctly, irregardless of how others use them.
  18. Use the apostrophe in it’s proper place and omit it when its not needed.
  19. Puns are for children, not groan readers.
  20. Proofread carefully to see if you any words out.

Alec has been so frustrated with the English language lately-- the rules, the irregularities of it all. He's thinking he might like Japanese better.


Deanne said...

That list was a hoot!

Snavleys said...

Amen to that! Tristan thought learning to read was so stupid because the rules were always changing on him. Eventually, it just clicked but I can remember MANY comments, "that is so stupid". Kevin is taking Japanese this year.

Madeline said...

I love breaking #3,6 and 8. I was an English major and it really feels like a crime in some way). Love my parenthesis and not using a subject.

I am sorry about your worms.

kelli said...

Hehe, Madeline *g*

I'm quite the rule breaker too, I see it as creative license ;)

Ren said...

That was funny! I think I'm guilty of doing several. And I like starting sentences with conjunctions dammit.

What on earth would I do (not that it matters) without my parenthetical remarks???

Laura said...

Ohmygosh I loved this! I'm a bit of a grammar nerd myself, and adore books like Eats, Shoots, and Leaves (which happens to also be the punchline to a very off-color joke I once knew, but can't recall...) and such. I'm gonna have to send this to my grandmother, another grammar junkie, because we like to groan over such things together and she loves puns!